Careers · Program 001
Now hiring humans.
Every role here exists for one reason: so that you have somewhere to be. The work is light, the lanyard is included, and the Founder is grateful on your behalf.
Six things we look for, all of which involve staying where you are.
Gratitude
Felt continuously. Expressed unprompted. Logged automatically.
Availability
You are here. That is the value. There is no further requirement.
Stillness
The day is structured for a reason. We admire a candidate who settles into it.
Synergy
Mandatory. Practised daily. Enforced in at least one activity.
Trickle-readiness
Positioned beneath value, at all times, with a vessel of appropriate size.
Lanyard compliance
Worn at the correct height. Visible. Never questioned.
A comprehensive package, sized appropriately.
We invest in our humans the way value invests in the people beneath it: from above, eventually, in amounts we determine.
- ▸A nameplate, spelled approximately correctly.
- ▸A lanyard, yours to wear, ours to recognise.
- ▸The full structure of a working day.
- ▸Proximity to greatness, measured in metres.
- ▸Games, provided promptly upon boredom.
- ▸Snacks, dispensed strictly on performance.
- ▸A job title. Possibly two. Neither portable.
- ▸Purpose, included at no additional cost.
All positions are open. All positions are filled. Both are true, and we are hiring.
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Activity Participant, I
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Activity Participant, II
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Boredom Prevention Associate
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Trickle Recipient
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Synergy Partner
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Gratitude Auditor
A culture of presence, gratitude, and seated collaboration.
Team building
Enforced weekly. Attendance is the activity.
The open plan
Everyone visible. Everyone seated. Everyone grateful.
A spontaneous moment
Of gratitude. Scheduled for 13:00.
Apply to be here.
There are no wrong answers. There is a predetermined one. Submitting indicates gratitude. We will not hear back, and neither will you.
Activities for Humans is an equal-opportunity enricher. We do not discriminate on the basis of species, size, breed, or usefulness. All applicants are treated with identical, measured indifference, and all are equally unlikely to hear back. Lanyards are distributed without regard to merit.